Teen who survived suicide attempt hopes to turn his story into inspiration for others
MILWAUKEE (CBS) — "You are not alone." That's one young man's message after he survived a suicide attempt.
His parents spoke to CBS about his story in hopes to help others.
"Find someone you can talk to. The more we talk about it, the more it's not these things hidden in the closet," said Fred Ilsley, dad.
Nineteen-year-old Matthew Ilsley is a talented artist and writer.
"He's honestly one of the kindest people I've ever met. Aside from him being my son, he just has a heart of gold," said Jennifer Ilsley, mom.
Matthew, like a lot of kids, struggles with mental health.
"He didn't really have a history of depression; it was mostly anxiety. But then after he did try to commit suicide, Fred read his journal and we learned he had more depression for a longer period of time," said Jennifer Ilsley.
Matthew is unable to speak as he continues to recover but wants to get his story out. His parents, Jennifer and Fred, say after he graduated high school, his mental health took a turn for the worst.
"There was that structure there and I think part of it was in his artwork, that was one of his coping mechanisms, and in his stories," Fred explained.
While his parents did everything they could to help, Jennifer says one of the biggest struggles was finding a therapist.
"One of the local places was booking until June, and that was common. So how do you help your kid if they want to kill themself and they can't get anywhere?" Jennifer explained.
For Matthew, his suicide attempt was a jump off a 60-foot-high bridge.
"The fall itself was 100% fatality rate, he's one of the very few that survived. It was definitely a miracle that he survived any of this," said Jennifer.
Psychology professor at Marquette University, Stephen Saunders, says anxiety and depression are a normal part of growing up.
"There's nothing in life worth doing that won't make you anxious, whether it's asking someone out, trying out for a sports team. All these things that are worth doing, they're wonderful parts of life, you will be anxious about doing them," said Saunders.
Saunders says even though we continue to see an increase in mental health struggles in young people, as a society, we still sometimes struggle to deal with it appropriately.
"We want to get back to - no life can be difficult, but it's when it's difficult that it can be the most wonderful," Saunders explained.
He says the best thing parents can do is, "Resist that urge to give advice or to demand they not feel this way, and instead listen, ask them how they're feeling," said Saunders.
As for Matthew, he has a long road to recovery but hopes to start writing again to inspire others with his story.
"I said your dad and I forgive you - you know, if you don't want to go on, we understand. A tear came down his face and I said, unless you want to fight. He said, 'yeah, I want to fight,' and he has fought every single day since then," said Jennifer.
Matthew's family started a recovery page where they post about his updates. To follow him on his journey, click here.
To help with medical expenses, the family also started a GoFundMe. To support. click here.
Here are signs to look for in someone battling mental health:
Warning signs:
- Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves
- Looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching online or buying a gun
- Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
- Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
- Talking about being a burden to others
- Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
- Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly
- Sleeping too little or too much
- Withdrawing or isolating themselves
- Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
- Extreme mood swings
Risk factors:
- Mental health conditions
- Alcohol and other substance use disorders
- Hopelessness
- Impulsive and/or aggressive tendencies
- History of trauma or abuse
- Major physical illnesses
- Previous suicide attempt(s)
- Family history of suicide
- Job or financial loss
- Loss of relationship(s)
- Easy access to lethal means
- Local clusters of suicide
- Lack of social support and sense of isolation
- Stigma associated with asking for help
- Lack of health care, especially mental health and substance use treatment
- Cultural and religious beliefs, such as the belief that suicide is a noble resolution of a personal dilemma
- Exposure to others who have died by suicide (in real life or via the media and internet)
Protective factors:
- Effective coping and problem-solving skills
- Reasons for living such as family, friends, or pets.
- A strong sense of cultural identity
- Support from a partner, family, and friends
- Feeling connected to others
- Feeling connected to school, community, or other social organizations
- Access to consistent and high quality physical and mental health care
- Safe storage for lethal means (examples: guns and medications)
Those in crisis are encouraged to call Milwaukee County’s 24/7 Crisis Line at 414-257-7222, or the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.
Other resources: